need another drink. this is the easiest way
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
