well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
