just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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