The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the day after is always just damage control
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
