It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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