weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
