Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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