All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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