i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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