He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
