Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
