I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
