I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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