Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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