i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
