She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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