I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
