i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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