She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well you can't waste a boner
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
