I love black thongs
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My balls are so social today.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
