yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
