great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
