I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
