dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
