so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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