dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
