Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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