i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want nice things and good sex
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
