And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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