Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
