some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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