I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
