Please, let me fuck your mom
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
