This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
