Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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