The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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