Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
