very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
