Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
