Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
