Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
