I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
