I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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