things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just cut my nipple shaving
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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