the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
barbara walters just said penis...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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