dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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