my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
