a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I FOUND THE LEGS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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