go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am available for nakedness
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