what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
50% drunk capacity currently
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
