He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
