Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
