so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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