i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
