that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
