Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
