I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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