I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
