I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
