I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
