matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
