i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
