My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
