In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
