i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize