I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
3pm strippers are depressing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
