I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize