I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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