I bet he comes in French.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
