forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize